But...I AM a bunny!

Hello duckies...or in today's posting, bunnies.

Yes, bunnies.

So, just to be clear, today's picture book is NOT one of my top ten (or twenty, or thirty). It's not even on the top five hundred list. No, today's picture book has earned its place on the thumbs-down list. Not as far down as some of the other ones I'll eventually review, but...enough preamble.

Let's get started.

Today's book is called: "You Don't Get a Carrot Unless You're a Bunny". It was written by a fellow named Brian Mangas and illustrated by someone who draws about as well as I do. Let's call him Sidney Levitt (because that's his name). This book was published in 1989, which is surprising. The eighties were a time of equality, fairness, and basically making everyone feel like they were a winner and giving them an award, even if they totally didn't deserve it (trust me, my first grade athletic participation medal, circa 1986, speaks volumes). Bunnies wouldn't be the only ones to get carrots in the eighties. ANYONE would be able to get a carrot. Even clumsy children who couldn't turn a summersault very well.

Ahem.

So. The first thing we know is that in order to get carrots, you need to be a bunny. Well, that's a lucky thing because BOTH of our main characters (Honey and Sonny Bunny) happen to be...bunnies! Ah, but wait! It's Halloween! The bunnies have made rather clever bear and duck costumes (out of what appears to be flippers, earmuffs and some kind of puffy snowsuit/overall ensemble). They now look NOTHING like their former rabbit selves (yes they do).

To kick off their night of revelry, Honey and Sonny hop on over to Owl's house. Now, let's just pause for a moment and discuss the art. Namely this: it's not great. It's not even very good. I once had a discussion with someone at work (I work with artists) and, after showing him a board book, watched his face twist into an emotion I can only describe as exasperation, mixed with gob-smacked, mixed with anger, mixed with jealousy. I believe his exact words were, "I could crap out one of those in about an hour." I'm fairly certain that if I showed him this book, he'd have a similar reaction. I'm a big proponent of kid lit being both about the art and the text. This one isn't strong in either area. The colors are blah, the character design is blah, and the layouts are blah. I could've drawn this. In my sleep. With my mouth.

Back to the action: we're at Owl's house and he's all confused about who the heck is at his door. Fortunately, his less-clueless wife is there to remind him that it's Halloween. Extra-fortunately, she's also got a basket of yummy treats intended for each of the forest animals she's expecting to see that night. Well, Owl takes one look at the bunnies and gives the bear-bunny some honey (which, honestly, looks more like a urine sample) and the duck-bunny some 'duck feed.' Really. Duck feed. You didn't do one bit of research, did you Mr. Author? Do you REALLY think that wild ducks eat 'duck feed'? *sigh* The bunnies, surprised at their treats, attempt to correct Mr. Owl. (Sidebar: I'm not sure where we picked up the 'Mr.' His wife WAS referred to as 'Mrs.' earlier, but he was always just 'Owl'. Continuity is hard.) They politely ask for carrots. Mr. Owl/Owl refuses and says that the carrots were only for bunnies. Honey and Sonny explain that they are, indeed, bunnies. Mr. Owl/Owl totally doesn't believe them.

So... They take off their earmuffs and head snowsuit-covering thingy. Big ears pop out. No dice. Honey takes off her flippers, exposing her bunny feet. Nothing. They leap and bounce around. Nope. Mr Owl wasn't born yesterday. They'll have to do better than that to convince him. So they twitch their noses. And wiggle their tails. And thump their feet. And hop and flop...

And this is where it started to feel really awkward.

Let's take a look at the situation: this is a neighbour. The kids' claims are being completely ignored, despite the obvious fact that they ARE bunnies. More than that, Mr. Owl/Owl keeps upping the ante and asking them to do 'bunny things'.

Creepy, non?

Then the bunnies get tired and fall to the floor and look kind of dead. Mr. Owl looks a little bit regretful. At least there's that. (Actually, after going back several pages, I realized that he has the EXACT same expression on his face throughout. The only time it differs is when he speaks and the author draws his beak from the side. Also, I just noticed that he doesn't have wings or feathers. He has arms. And I now know who he reminds me of: my grade 10 geography teacher who used to wear horrible ties and yell a lot. Whew. Thank GOD I realized that. Would've kept me up all night).

OK, so the bunnies are unmoving on the floor, Owl/Mr. Owl gets a little weirded out, puts the basket down and yells for his wife (thank goodness for Mrs. Owl). When Mrs. Owl arrives at the door, the bunnies are gone. Mr. Owl asks Mrs. Owl (who, by the way, never actually SAW the bunnies), whether or not she thought they were legit. And Mrs. Owl says, "they must have been bunnies. They ate the carrots."

Buh-wha? When did this happen? They were dead on the floor! Just a second ago! Unmoving! And now...the carrots...are...gone. There's only one reasonable explanation. I daren't say it... Zombie ninja bunnies?

Anyway, Mrs. Owl doesn't blame the zombie ninja bunnies one bit, because, as she says, after all that 'flipping and flopping' they were probably hungry.

And that's the end of the story. On the back cover, the School Library Journal (which just fell 80,000 points off the credibility chart) suggested that 'young children' might enjoy this 'funny Halloween story.' Often people pawn off badly written stuff as 'suitable for younger children'. Just becuase they don't have life experience doesn't mean they deserve bad books, folks.

Plot holes you could drive a truck through, a story that makes absolutely no sense, the flopping of bunnies for their older neighbors and a character that reminds me of a man who wore his ties too tight around his pudgified neck: this story gets five lame points out of ten.

Don't Let the Pigeon Drive the Bus!

Tonight's awesome book is "Don't Let the Pigeon Drive the Bus!" By Mo Willems.

Reasons it's awesome:

1. The main character (the Pigeon) is hilarious. He's basically a four-year-old - but in bird form.

2. The premise is simple, yet ingenious. The reader is assigned the task of keeping the Pigeon from driving the bus driver's bus. The Pigeon proceeds to wheedle and whine, throw tantrums and bargain with the reader. All the while, the reader has to simply say 'No' to the Pigeon. And we all know how much kids love saying no!

3. The art is perfect for the book: expressive and simple. With a limited color palette and basic, almost child-like drawings, it feels just right.

4. It's funny for adults, too. I laughed aloud when I first came upon the two-page spread of the Pigeon losing his mind and having a fit. Brilliant!

5. It's got good re-read value. I love this book - it doesn't become less funny the more you read it. That's the true earmark of a great story.

Who's it for? Kids, ages 2-6. Or Pigeons, any age.

Any downsides? Nope. Pigeon is one of my favorites. I even have a plush version that yells "LET ME DRIVE THE BUS!" when you squeeze it.

Overall, out of ten bookmarks, I rate this one a solid nine. Pick it up and read it with your little one today!